39 Things That Completely Terrify Everyone Who Works In An Office
1. When you get introduced to a new person, immediately forget their name, and they tell you to email them.
2. Having to come up with a fun fact about yourself.
3. When someone sneaks up behind you when you’ve got headphones on and you get caught looking at bathmats on Amazon.
4. Getting an email from IT and assuming you’ve accidentally committed some sort of crime before you open it.
5. Spending the day feeling like a fugitive because you broke the printer and didn’t tell anyone.
6. Giving a presentation.
7. Plugging your laptop into a big screen in front of a room full of people and it doesn’t work the first time.
8. Asking if there are “any questions” at the end of the presentation and realising you are hopelessly out of your depth.
9. Video calls.
10. Having to look after the person on work experience.
11. When someone starts ending their emails with “Regards” rather than “Best Wishes” and you know you’re probably in the shit.
12. When you pull a sickie because you were hungover and accidentally slip up telling someone about the big night you had last week.
13. Trying to make small talk about the weather when the weather has been really bland recently.
14. So all you can say is “we have been having weather recently”, like a weirdo.
15. When you get back from holiday and realise with horror that you haven’t bought any treats.
16. All-company emails.
17. Discovering that you accidentally clicked “reply all” on a email to the entire company.
18. When there is an office-wide email about a dirty mug left on the work surface and you realise with horror that it was yours.
19. Getting caught stealing milk, and sitting at your desk waiting for the inevitable terrifying email.
20. Any email that mentions streamlining or restructuring.
21. When there are auditors in.
22. When someone comes to ask you if you “got that thing done” and you haven’t a clue what they’re on about.
23. Seeing senior staff in the toilets and blanking on conversation topics apart from “did you have a nice piss?”
24. Bumping into anyone from work on the weekend.
25. Bumping into anyone from work while you’re on a date.
26. Discovering you walk the same way to work as one of your colleagues, so you resort to taking a series of elaborate detours.
27. Taking the entirety of your allotted lunch break and feeling like you are going to be fired.
28. Asking to work from home even though you are allowed to work from home.
29. Requesting holiday.
30. Calling in sick when you are actually sick.
31. Getting up from your desk at the same time as someone you don’t know and then walking at the same pace as them, so you do the awkward laugh thing.
32. Speaking to someone on a really crackly phone line and completely panicking about what you’ve just agreed to.
33. When you say hello to someone and you’re not sure if they didn’t hear or they’re ignoring you.
34. When your desk buddies start laughing and you assume it is about you.
35. Getting into the lift at the same time as your boss.
36. When the fire alarm goes off and you’re unsure if you missed the email about a drill or if you’re going to burn to death.
37. When you have an office bake sale and you’ve tried too hard or not tried hard enough, so you look like a twat either way.
38. When everyone sings “Happy Birthday” and you’re not sure what to do with your face.
39. When someone calls you into their office for a “quick chat”.